


Book Commentary: iDrakula

by mlmcg12



Series: Book Blog Transcripts [12]
Category: iDrakula
Genre: Cross-Posted on WordPress, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:26:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28948140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mlmcg12/pseuds/mlmcg12
Summary: See also https://mmcgui12sbookblog.home.blog/
Relationships: Abraham Van Helsing/Lucy Westenra, Jonathan Harker/Lucy Westenra, Jonathan Harker/Mina Harker, R.M. Renfield/Lucy Westenra
Series: Book Blog Transcripts [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2123052





	Book Commentary: iDrakula

  * OK, like, this is a short (read: _extremely condensed_ ) modern update of _Dracula_ for teens, so I’m probably just going to do this review in one go instead of breaking it up into chapters since this is all just told through text messages and emails and online news articles.
  * “Renfield went nuts. No details. Meet @Zen?” Wow, Mina. Sure, you don’t have specific details of what happened, but that’s a bit of an insensitive way of putting it.
  * “Although you are only a summer intern, I trust that we can quickly train you to carry out Randolph’s duties satisfactorily.” OK, what? You’re expecting some random unpaid intern kid to deal with Dracula?
  * “Thank you for booking your travel with Tepes Travel.” 
  * “Wear gloves. Lol.” is Jonathan’s response to Mina having to deal with Lucy’s response to finding out about (seeing?) Renfield Jr. (who happens to be Lucy’s boyfriend? They mentioned that in a blip, but all the character descriptions and relationship descriptions are just going by way too fast.)
  * And now they’re going on about romantic getaways and wedding destinations in Romania being pulled up in Mina’s web browser. Can we get a bit more substance to her other than her being a sappy romantic? Like whatever Jonathan vaguely mentioned in a text about her being able to rip off someone’s arm?
  * And as soon as Jonathan texts Mina about getting to Romania safely and they talk about Mina being romance-obsessed, he immediately goes and texts Lucy about “hey, forget my girlfriend Mina, there was this hot chick next to me on the plane over here.”
  * And now Jonathan’s over here going on about food.
  * “Bad enough when they were dating and he wasn’t in a strait jacket.” Ouch. Seriously, Mina?
  * Later in that conversation, they actually bring up that Mina’s into… martial arts or something? Can we get more about that? Instead of making her just the sappy romantic?
  * The conversation between Mina and Renfield at the mental hospital was _almost_ creepy. (I know this bit was part of the original _Dracula_ in some way, but it just felt like trying to be super edgy when done like this. It almost sounded like something covered by HoodoHoodlumsRevenge or MichaelLeroi in their bad creepypasta coverage on YouTube.) And Lucy’s just being a shit girlfriend hitting on the med student-version of van Helsing right in front of Renfield. I mean, sure, Renfield’s mental health isn’t that great at this point, but still.
  * “I hope you get this email because service sucks here.” Yeah, that hasn’t been done to death.
  * “Perfect archaic English.” That’s a lovely description.
  * “He also smells bad.” Wow, Jonathan. Just… wow.
  * “Yeah, Dracula didn’t ask why I’m here instead of Renfield to finish whatever deal they’d been going through. Drac didn’t want me bringing it up. Also, Drac’s got this old picture of you and me and Lucy and Renfield. LOL, that’s weird, right? (Your boobs looked great in that pic, BTW.) Drac’s trying to smuggle these weird coffins of dirt into the country, apparently. GTG, Drac’s hosting this massive party tonight, and guess what? I’m legally old enough to drink here!” Jonathan! Loads of red flags! Run!
  * “Hey, Lucy, Dracula drugged me during the party last night, and I think I got this weird hickey from his daughter.” Again, red flags! Run!
  * “Hey, Lucy, have you heard from Jonathan today?” “No, Mina, I haven’t heard about him or his crazy party last night.” Lucy, you bitch… Also, Mina, please stop being the sappy girlfriend, and Lucy, quit hitting on Med Student van Helsing!
  * “Oh, hey, Mina, guess what? I feel like shit after Drac’s party last night. Also, my phone battery is dead, and I don’t have a phone adapter that works here.”
  * “Also, guess what, apparently Drac and Company ditched me here after the party.”
  * OK, first Lucy’s mom died then her boyfriend had a mental breakdown, all sometime before canon? I’m all for tragic backstories, but not if they turn people into horny things that just hit on anyone.
  * OK, finally they confirm that Mina is in fact into jiujitsu. More about that. Please more about that.
  * So, Jonathan’s emails aren’t getting through to Mina, and he’s getting onto the fact that Drac’s trying to get him out of the way. He should have gotten out when he had the chance… Also, it may be Lucy to the rescue instead of Mina? Seriously, Jonathan? Sure, you don’t want your girlfriend to worry, but getting her bestie to be the one to get your dad to spring you out of Drac’s castle is pretty sketchy.
  * And now all Jonathan’s emails are getting rejected because of the shitty email service. Of course.
  * Sure Jonathan’s trying to get out. But this is ridiculous with his “I’ma jump” plan.
  * “An agent for the Count contacted me and said that Jonathan would be there for a few more days wrapping things up.” That’s a load of BS, Daddy Renfield.
  * And now there’s another actual-scene-with-Renfield-from- _Dracula_ -turned-edgy-shit… but now Mina’s almost condoning the Lucy-van Helsing ship now?
  * Sure, Lucy’s charity ball for medical research thing sounds like a good idea, but it’s probably about to be a disaster.
  * And now Jonathan’s super-sick after dealing with Dracula. Of course.
  * Yep. Now Lucy’s gone off the deep end with Renfield.
  * OK, so it’s actually going to be Mina and Jonathan’s dad coming to Jonathan’s rescue?
  * Now I’m just getting vampire-related relationship drama? or something? from that set of texts between Mina and Lucy.
  * No, but Jonathan’s kinda screwed now.
  * BIG SURPRISE! Lucy’s got the same illness as Jonathan… and who wants to bet she got it from her weird “ritual” with Renfield. You know, Renfield, the dude who had the most contact with Dracula?
  * Well, she’s dead now. So much characterization for her got cut out between OG _Dracula_ and this version, so… I kinda don’t care?
  * And now van Helsing’s getting fired from the hospital? And Mina’s going into damage control because of all the illness stuff happening?
  * Have I mentioned that Jonathan’s an ass in this? Especially now with cheating on Mina with Lucy?
  * FINALLY Mina’s being more useful than just “the love interest for the MC.”
  * Have I mentioned that I hate how they keep turning the conversations with Renfield into some edgy shit?
  * Mina. Seriously. Jonathan was a douche. Stay away.
  * “Recent bat attacks in the cemetery where Lucy is buried.” Well, that’s fun.
  * In this autopsy report, John Doe has an ID number of 666-666. Ha ha. Other than that, I don’t really care for all the technical talk about “I can’t medically explain all these symptoms of murder-by-vampire.”
  * “Dr. Van Helsing and I have been investigating all this shit on our own. Sucks to be you not joining us because you’re a cheating asshole. Anyway, Lucy’s not in her grave anymore. Oh, by the way, there were some of the weird coffins Drac smuggled to the US in Lucy’s family crypt. So that’s weird.”
  * “Hey, Jonathan, we just grave robbed the crypt and dumped those weird coffins in the harbor. Can you tell us where Drac’s staying? Also, delete this email because we’re totally doing illegal shit.”
  * “Hey, Jonathan, at Drac’s place, we only found another weird coffin to illegally dump. No Drac, no Lucy. Also, Renfield’s dead. Someone attacked him, but he was in the isolation ward. Apparently his last words to the docs before he actually died were to let Dr. Van Helsing know to hurry up and destroy all of Drac’s weird coffins. Creepy, right? How’d he know about the coffins?”
  * “Hey, Dr. Van Helsing! I think Drac bit me, too.”
  * “Perhaps the Count has pet bats and they feed on something in the soil?” VAN HELSING, YOU DUMB FUCK.
  * “U didn’t lose me. U threw me away.” Damn straight, Mina.
  * So Mina and Dr. Van Helsing ended up kicking dead!Lucy’s and Drac’s butts. AND IT ONLY TOOK, WHAT, 2/3? 3/4? OF THE BOOK FOR MINA TO START TAKING CARE OF SHIT HERSELF?
  * Also, thank goodness she actually stood by dumping Jonathan.
  * Now that I’m actually done going through this for my blog: 
    * I’m pretty sure that because of the timing of this book’s release (publication date of sometime in 2010), Bekka Black was just trying to adapt _Dracula_ into an edgy teen version to ride the YA vampire novel craze that _Twilight_ started.
    * The only reason I’ve been holding onto my copy of this shit is nostalgia from the first time I stumbled across it at the library during the time I worked backstage for a local theater’s production of a parody of a theatrical season that goes horribly wrong, including a production of _Dracula_. Every time I try to reread it, I end up finding it dumber than I remembered.



**Author's Note:**

> See also https://mmcgui12sbookblog.home.blog/


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